>I can now confirm that Ms. Mac is indeed back in town. Thank fuck for that!!!! Now perhaps the boys may live to see their next birthdays – I say perhaps.
Now Ewan has walked through the front door and life is back to normal. So much for the “getting to know you time”. I’m sure we’ll catch up soon enough.
>Finally, after some time-off with good behaviour I am being paroled today.
That’s right, you heard it hear. I can now officially reveal that the lovely Ms. Mac is coming home today. Yay!
She has finished her exciting mini-break weekend to Australia (Ok it was two weeks but that doesn’t work in the Bridget Jones way) and is now somewhere between Dubai and Zurich.
Would it be revealing too much to say that I’ve missed her? I don’t think so. But then, I’m sure we all have.
>Just a quick one with a link to an hilarious story I found on Yahoo! Seems that some sleazy romantic Frenchman calling himself The Prince of Pleasure, was conducting an online affair with a lovely little French lass called Sweet Juliette. After six months of online raunch they agreed to meet.
A clandestine rendezvous (French derived word – apropos, non?) on a secluded beach, the Prince wandered across the sand to meet his love. She had her back to him and as he neared, she turned to face him and he finally laid eyes on the girl of his dreams – his MOTHER!!!!
What if they were indulging in cybersex too? Ewwwwww!!!! It’s fine to love your Mum, just don’t LOVE your Mum. Not even virtually!!!
Funny story and it made me laugh. How ’bout you?
>Today I was doing my daily chore / duty of taking a trip to the Coop Supermarket to get the luchtime supplies in. On the way through the shortcut, I smelt the unmistakeable smell of diesel fuel burning in a well-tuned engine. This was obviously a mistake because there were no trucks anywhere to be seen. When diesel fuel is burnt correctly, the smell is almost sweet and has a very distinctive “taste”. I actually like the smell because it makes me think of those salad days onboard navy warships steaming through the open ocean.
I was rugged up against the bitter European winter and the smell took me straight back to the quarterdeck of a frigate in the middle of the Indian ocean. I was standing there in my grey coveralls, talking with my shipmates and sucking in the “freshers”*. The ironic part is that the freshers on the quarterdeck was always full of diesel exhaust and cooking smells from the galley ventilation. We loved it nonetheless.
* Freshers is navy slang for fresh air. Almost any word can be “navy-ised” by adding ‘ers’ to it.
e.g. Sippers? Translation: Can I have a sip of your drink?
Steppers. Translation: Civilian clothing (one “steps” acrossthe gangway when going ashore, more often than not, in civilian clothing for a night out.)
Try it yourself – it will make you feel all salty and nautical.
If you want to learn how sailors have spoken since Nelson’s time, check out this RN page.
>With the delightful Ms. Mac currently in the Merry Old Land of Oz, I am watching buku* TV! This means that I am seeing plenty of saturation advertising. Why is it that the Sky channels all synchronise their ads for the same time. Channel hopping is totally pointless. This is a double whammy because I have finally wrested control of the Hopper** from Ms. Mac but I can’t really do anything with it cos it’s always ads!!!
Arrrrgghhh. Whilst channel hopping through endless ads and repeats of Will and Grace, Charmed and The Simpsons (honestly, you’d think they stopped making the show in 1994!!), I stumbled upon the latest Chanel ad. Have you seen it? Here is a memory jogger for you:
What a load of hot cock!!! The last time I saw anything this ridiculous it was that rubbishy Moulin Rouge. Imagine my surprise to be told by the celebrated brain box Ms. Mac that the ad was directed by Baz Luhrman. It just fits doesn’t it?
–Chanel ad brainstorming session.–
Baz: I need to come up with something for the new Chanel campaign.
Assistant 1: Well Baz, you know that our Nic is the new spokeswoman for the brand.
Baz: I kknow, lets rehash that other load of old twaddle that had her in it. What did I call it?
Assistant 2: Ahh Moulin Rouge?
Baz: Yeah, is that guy from Star Wars available???
Assistant 3: Shouldn’t you do something original Baz?
Baz: Nobody else does? Why should I? By the way Assistant 3, your toadying leaves much to be desired. Fetch me a Skinny Soy Lattecino and be quick about it!
–Scene–
Now don’t get me wrong, this woman is very attractive.
But really, that script couldn’t be saved by Gielgud, Hepburn or Fonda. It, and the ad it is part of are utter, utter bollocks!
If there is one of you that buys or switches to Chanel from this, I’d be exceptionally surprised. After all, I have nothing but respect for my reader and would be disappointed if you were moved by this one.
*Buku: Japanese style spelling of French word beacoup indicating muchness or a great quantity.
**Hopper – the device used for channel hopping. Obviously!
Once again this blog is both deprecating, hyper critical, demeaning and informative.
—End transmission—
>What do these people use in the laundry, that they wouldn’t ever use in the office?
The answer is this:
That’s right folks. The people above are the staff of the Microsoft Corp. ca. 1977. Fact is that they wouldn’t be seen dead with this on their desktop but if they are ever in Germany, shopping in WalMart, they will be able to buy Linux detergent to use in the laundry.
Which fragrance do you think it comes with? My bet is the smell of quiet desperation and dried spunk.
What do you reckon Linus Torvalds thinks about the fact that the detergent company are claiming Linux as their registered trademark?*
*I fully realise the irony of me making fun of Micro$oft and their geeketry, as I type this post on a laptop running Ubuntu Linux as the operating system and asking questions about Linus Torvalds and the infringement of Linux’s trademark. So there’s no need to mention it. Ok?
>
It’s official! ms. mac and I are headed to see the Foo Fighters in January. They have announced a date in Winterthur and I am now the proud owner of two tickets to see them.
It is gonna be fuckin’ awesome. I cannot wait and I know that ms. mac is also “quite excited!” She has some girl wood for Dave Grohl (and maybe I do too – so what? Shut up!) so we are just going to have the best time.
It’s not some poxy sit-down show either. Oh no, we are gonna be in the mosh man! It’s standing room only and….as you can see, I am a little bit keen for it to hurry up and happen.
The last time ms. mac and I saw a concert it was Joe Cocker in the State Theatre in Sydney in 1992. A word of advice – if you’re planning on having sex, don’t let anyone tell you that a baby won’t cramp your style – cos it will!
Here’s another pic of the band, just in case you don’t know who I’m talking about (which would basically mean that you are either dead or you suck!).
>
Yesterday, I was reading the free “newspaper” which they have here in Zürich, called 20 Minuten (20 minutes – presumably the amount of time it takes to read) which is available on public transport.
I usually grab one and while away the time on the bus / train by trying to read it and improve my german. A noble pursuit to be sure. In doing this yesterday, I found a small article advertising the Extasia Expo which is going on at the Event Hall in Oerlikon this weekend. It is an erotic and adult oriented expo with various porn stars doing celebrity appearances etc.
The big news is that one of the legends of the “adult entertainment” business, Rocco Siffredi, will be there and as part of the article, Rocco was interviewed about his career, his hopes and dreams and his attitude to sex and love. All very interesting I suppose. The fact that he lost his virginity at 13 to a 27 year old woman was mentioned and I must congratulate him, as he had the sense to admit that it was actually paedophilia, but he said that he loved it never the less.
He also told us that at the time “mein Schwanz war fast so gross wie heute.” (his penis was almost as big as it is today.) The article then went on to describe his “imposantes Juwel – ganze 23cm” (impressive gem – a full 23cm).
Which brings me to my point; would you open The Age or The Guardian and expect to see an article about a porn star with specifics about his equipment? I’m going to say no and I think that is actually a shame. It must be a product of our puritannical Anglo-Saxon upbringing that this isn’t really the sort of thing that one reads with one’s breakfast. I’m not saying that it is polite dinner party conversation either – it just goes to show what a different attitude they have to topics of this nature here on the continent.
Having said that, since Rocco crossed into the mainstream in a french film called Anatomy of Hell, he did a get an article and interview in The Guardian. Read it here, but don’t expect to read stories about his gear like the 20 Minuten one or this one from Die Weltwoche – another Swiss news magazine.
>You have to check this brilliant link. I have been rolling in the aisles after going here. I can barely function and I have been dazed like a zombie.
Check it here.
>Just checking through the mr. mac Inbox and our friends at www.greenones.com have noticed something that must be lacking in my arsenal of love.
See for yourself:
Cheap cials-tabs Online
From:
“Wilson Romano”
To:
mr.mac@chateaumac.org
Date:
2005-09-23 22:55
Spam Status: Spamassassin 0% probability of being spam.
Be ERECT in less than 15 mins
PRlCE: $ 2 / use
visit us: greenones.com
I don’t know about most of you, but I’ve really been looking for something to get me ERECT in less than 15 mins. Just the other day ms. mac spent the best part of an hour waiting for me to “stand up” so that we could get down to bidness. Good news my darling, we’ll now be doin’ the nasty four times more efficiently. It will have to be a lot better than the myriad of pumps and mechanical devices we’re currently mired in. After all, think how much more TV we’ll be able to watch with the new found help that Cials will be giving us “down there”.
And another thing, now that these miracle erections are only going to be $2 a throw (so to speak) we can do away with the messy and expensive creams and injections that have been taking food from the table for years now. The mini macs eat tonight.
Now that I can get there in less than 15 mins, is there something that can keep me there for more than 15 seconds? Without this second miracle product, it could get quite expensive even at a paltry $2 per shot (ooer).
Mind you, after taking the miracle product that will add 4 inches to my knob in a month or less, I think that they should just sell me home transfusion kits at $2 per IV bag. Think of the fun we could have with adminstering IVs as part of our lovemaking.
Mmmmm, IV transfusions *cums*
Oh and by the way Spamassassin *airquotes sarcastically* you got some splainin’ to do!!
0% probability of that email being spam??? You couldn’t antispam your mum, on the anitspammingest day of your life, with an electrified antispamming machine!!!