>Hello everyone, I’m sure you’re desperate to know what happened with the Nescafe Xpress

that I was duped to buy after seeing the McLaren F1 car on Thursday. Well the truth of the matter is that the drink was shite! It just goes to show that I was absolutely correct. If you dress it up well, and then present it with something that I couldn’t possibly resist, I’ll buy it.

But the mindless consumerism stops there! If it doesn’t taste any good I’m not going back. Lets be honest, there is no way on God’s green earth that drinking Nescafe Xpress is going to make me look like an early 20′s, blonde, Finnish F1 racing driver. I can’t see me squeezing myself into an MP4-20, no matter how much iced coffee I drink.

However, in order to consume some cyberspace, I present to you a nostalgic look at my favourite iced coffees through the ages:

1. Oak Iced Coffee.
   When we were little, we used to travel to North Haven for Christmas holdiays at my grandmother’s house. The whole time was at the beach and invariably I would fall off my bike at some point in the holiday. Unfailoingly, my wounds would be dabbed in Friar’s Balsom and I’d be told “Get in that surf and get the saltwater on the sore. It’ll do it the world of good.” Fucking stung like a biotch every single time…

   But the big point here is about the Iced Coffee. At a place called Hexham there was a dairy factory that ran a restaurant and we would often stop there for a burger and an iced coffee. This was before the Pacific Highway was a huge free way with nothing but planned McDonalds stops every 150km.

   

   It always tasted good and came in a glass. The Oak dairy concern got pretty big and they started to sell the stuff throughout NSW in cartons. A good brew, but a little to light on the coffee for my taste. Rating: 7.5 / 10

2. Moove Iced Coffee
   This was the big one in NSW for my whoile childhood. It came in a bunch of flavours; strawberry, chocolate, banana(?), lime and of course, iced coffee.

   

   I loved the stuff as a kid, and my lunch order from theschool tuck shop on Fridays (that was the only day I didn’t have devon and barbecue sauce) was invariably one sausage roll w/s (with sauce), one chocolate donut and one iced coffee Moove.
   Nostalgia rating: 9 / 10 but a little too sweet these days- Rating: 8 / 10

3. Big M – Victoria’s Finest
   When I first went away to join the Navy, Victoria was my home and I stayed there for more than a year with training and learning to wear my hat at just the right angle. It was here that my love for the deadly Iced Coffee Big M began. The stuff was amazing. We used to sneak out of thte recruit school in our sports gear and go over to the Millionaire’s Club a.k.a Millies (it was called the Millionaire’s Club because it was full of “payday millionaires – young sailors who spent everything they had on junkfood every payday till they were old enough to buy beer and then never set foot in there again) and geta crumbed sausage (ok, TWO crumbed sausages) and an Iced Coffee Big M. Pure manna from heaven. Navy cooks were called Fitters and turners because they would fit food into pots and turn it into shit, so the helpings of junkfood kept us sane. If we’d have only eaten the navy scran we’d be deader than purple A-line flares with pockets in the knees.

   

   Still an awesome drink, but not my favourite now that I have an adult palate. Too sweet. Rating: 9.5/10

4. IC Strong Iced Coffee
   This came out a little while ago and has been my firm favourite ever sice. It actually tastes a bit like coffee and is strong as! This one will keep you going long after the others have let you down. Goes perfectly with a sausage roll from Brumbys too. Rating: 10 / 10

The only disappointment here is that there is no picture of IC Strong Iced Coffee to show you what I am talkin about. Cannot find one anywhere. Today’s mr. mac challenge – send me a copy of a pic of the bottle and you’ll win a prize.

Can’t somone help a brutha out?

—End transmission—

>…or how to get me to buy your shit.

An open letter to Marketing types everywhere.

Dear Marketing Type,

I am a 30-something father of three with a limited budget for non-essentials in my life. The task for you is how do you wrest me of my hard earned (and jealously guarded) Swiss Franks? What is the best way to part this fool from his money?

Here’s a tip from the genii at Nescafè….

…whatever your pushing, put a Formula 1TM car next to your stand. I would buy bags of dried dog turds if there was an F1 car anywhere near the checkout. This one in particular comes from my fave team West McLaren Mercedes.

I remain,

yours in abject consumerism,

mr. mac

For the no-marketing types amongst you, here is the story. We went to the supermarket today, to pick up some fizzy water and grab a sneaky kebab from Zuri Oberland Doner Kebap. As we got to the top of the escalator / moving ramp, the site of Kimi’s F! car greeted us. Shrewd bit of marketing cos I was enthralled. I love F1 and McLaren are my fave team. Here are a few other pics I took of the car. Enjoy!

In a shameless bit of comment whoring, what would entice you to buy a bag of dried up dog turds? Answers on a postcard please (or in the comment box – you choose).

>Today, I want to share with you both my latest sauce related discovery. As you are well aware, I love to eat sausages. There is a particular style of sausage available to us in Germany called the Bratwurst vom Schwein. Here in Switzerland they are known as Bauern Bratwurst. These translate as Sausage from Pig and Farm Style Sausage. Me and James just call ‘em yum!

What goes well with a grilled / barbecued suasage? Sauce or as its called here Ketchup. The featured ketchup today is the Mexican Grill Ketchup from our friends at Heinz.

Make no mistake people, this shit is the shizznit! It tastes absolutley brilliant. Basically it is like salsa flavoured tomato sauce. Now I realise that this doesn’t sound so good, but believe me it is great! Every sauce covered mouthful of sauage-y goodness is like manna from heaven. Really saying something since I don’t really like ketchup being more of a BBQ sauce man. In fact, when people are getting cayenne pepper on their tongues for swearing, I (as an example) for swearing, get ketchup put on my tongue because I like the hot stuff but hate the ketchup.

This brings me to my only complaint – it is billed as Fiesta Feurig (Party Hot – whatever that means). Pretty pissweak if you ask me! I reckon that the Allies secret weapon should only have been to put some black pepper in the Nazi food rations – these bloody Germans have the wussiest palates – WWII would have been over by October 4th, 1939 if they’d followed my advice.

Anyway, the mr. mac sausage accompaniment rating: 9 / 10

>Well, as an update to my last entry, I guess you should know what happened directly after I made the pre-flight blog. What happened? Was it exciting? Did I miss the plane?

As a matter of fact I nearly did! You see, I was sitting there happily blogging n the Silver Kris Lounge at Singapore Airport and was keeping a close eye on the time till I would have to head off to my boarding gate. I finalised my post, shut down my pc (how bloody long does Windows 2000 take to shut down?) and headed out to make my way to gate F56. On the way out, I cast a seasoned traveller’s eye over the departure board that they generously provide in the lounge and much to my chagrin, the flight was announced as LAST CALL! Oh my God, I’d only been at the airport for SIX HOURS but I still needed to run across Changi Airport to get to my flight. What a bloody tosser!

Anyway, as always happens, the people on the moving walkway thought that they were at an amusement park and decided to block the path of the seasoned travellers. SInce I was lacking ms. mac’s Velo bell to announce my upcomingness, I used the male equivalent – a burly ” EXCUSE ME!” and like the Red Sea, the dawdlers parted before me.

I was still a bit freaked out as I rushed to the gate only to find that I needed to take off my jacket, unpack my laptop and blah blah blah to get through the X-ray inspection. Imagine my disappointment to get through all this and then find out that the boarding gate is full and the plane had not even begun boarding.

To finish off, I went straight to the doors clearly marked First / Raffles Class and immediately made my way to the forward door of the 747-400 where the gorgeous Singapore Airlines trolley dollies greeted me by name (how did they know?) and handed me a hot towel and a glass of champers – fabulous sweetie. As always, a total triumph.

>Just a quick one from the Silver Kris lounge at Singapore. I am winging my way Zurich with SQ346 and am absolutely laden with gifts for the delectable ms. mac. According to her Blog, her hair and boobs are looking fabulous today. I hope that tomorrow brings similarly outstanding results. Although her hair will be a bit messy when I get through with her – oo er missus.

I have decided to christen this the pink trip because everything I have got for ms. mac is pink. The list is semi-secret, so I’ll not let the cat of the bag yet. Suffice to say that there is a pink iPod, pink perfume, pink sandals and tongs. They aren’t pink but they are essential to our culinary survival in Switzerland.

The tongs in question are the kind you get in Oz made of aluminium, with a spring and a pin holding them together at the end. You absolutley cannot get them in Switzerland. I shit you not! Anyway, I bought the entire supply in Safeway Elsternwick when I was in Oz. Along with about four kilos of Oxo brand stock cubes, the safety and sanctity of the chateau mac kitchen is assured.

Anyway, I’m off before they close the flight and don’t let me board. Not travelling on the top deck of the 747 tonight, I wanted a window and they were all taken upstairs. I’m slumming it in Raffles calss on the main deck. It’s not as good believe me!

Bye for now. Next blog from Chateau mac (if I’ve got the energy wink wink).

—End transmission—

>Unbelievably to everyone who knows him, this guy is 8 years old today.

He is a bit of a goose and a lot of a cutie. Here we see him cranking out the air guitar – he’s a guitar legend this boy!

Have a great day matey, I love you and miss you heaps. See ya on Friday.

Dad
xxx

>I need to get on the ms. mac exercise regime and STAT!!! Of course, I will be getting on the “exercise regime” the minute I get through the door, but I mean the actual ‘don’t weigh so much at the end of it’ regime. This will revolve around things like this too.

Malaysia has been (as previously reported) an absolute bust on my diet. I have done nothing but eat since I got here. That would be fine if I was whippet thin and had abs like WS!, but unfortunately, I have an ab. It’s a washboard – for woollens. Now this is not an impediment to being H-O-T in some circles, but I have made good progress lately, thanks largely to the tutelage and efforts of ms. mac. It seems a shame to waste the work, so I’m on the Huffy Puffy program (both in the good way and the bad way) when I get home.

Having said that, I absolutely must share what I had for dinner last night with you both. We were searching for something authentically Asian and we found it!

We went to a footpath restaurant which had all these tables with gas bottles and burners on them. Looks interesting, what’s that big steaming pot on the table there. It was something called a Steamboat.

A spicy broth called Tom Yam – chilli, fish stock, lemongrass, kaffir lime leaves – awesome! Accompanying this you receive a huge plate of rice vermicelli noodles and a correspondingly huge plate of seafood – prawns, squid, cuttlefish, octopus, dumplings, fishballs, tofu pieces (fried and raw), quail eggs and assorted greens.

Basically, you wait till the Tom Yam is boiling, then stir in the noodles and the fish stuff. Let it cook and serve yourself a bowl with your individual ladle. I tell you, the flavour is incredible. It is very hot though, so if you are a bit of a nancy, you can have it with chicken soup too.

I need to lie down, I am exhausted from the sheer effort of swallowing all the yumminess that Malaysia has to offer. I wonder what tomorrow will bring? Stay tuned!

—End transmission—

>Selamat Datang…Welcome to the Malaysian update from your intrepid traveller.

I have been busy this week sweating my arse off in the Malaysian climate here in Melaka. This is a great place! Despite having to spend every day working, my colleagues and I have had the opportunity to experience a lot of what Malaysia has to offer.

The biggest thing about Malaysia is the mix of cultures. There are three main ethnic groups here:

1. Native Malays – also known as Bumiputera and the majority of the population. They are all(?) Muslims and occupy many positions of power in the country.
2. Chinese – these people are the largest minority and are typically hard-working and very clever. Why do you think that there are so many Chinese Malaysian doctors in Australia? They form the majority of overseas students that travel to universities in Australia, UK, US etc.
3. Indians – they were brought to Malaysia during the time of the British rule to be employed as estate workers. You would be forgiven for thinking that you were in India when you are talking with them. They have maintained a strong ethnic identity whilst integrating into the Malaysian society.

So whats with the anthropology? Well I’m glad you asked. As you know, it’s all about the food at chateau mac. We are very enthusiastic about eating and enjoy sampling the delights of wherever we go. Here in Malaysia I have eaten a wide variety of delicious foods since I arrived.

When we first got here, we had some Chinese (with a Malaysian twist) which was very good. They use chilli in everything so if you’re a wuss – stay home! Then we went out and had Satay sticks and Kway Tieow. The satay sticks are self explanatory, but the Kway Tieow is a broad flat noodle dish which is fried in a wok and then served with an eggy sort of gravy. There is always a good mix of seafood in it such as prawns, squid and octopus. The place we went for the satay was like a huge shed and the man out the front cooking the sticks was slaving over this fire for hours, fanning it with a banana leaf fan – just across the road from apartment buildings – bizarre! There were about 8 of us for dinner that night and we were ordering the sticks in lots of 20 or so. They were small strips of beef and chicken and grilled to perfection.

The next night was a steaming bowl of fish ball noodle soup – and no WS! fish balls are not the delight YOU think they are! A clear broth with mee noodles (that’s probably a tautology) fish balls, crab claw and non-descript (but delicious) greens. Great

Thursday was Curry Laksa – ms. mac’s favourite! This a coconut and red curry flavoured soup with noodles, prawns, chicken, greens and fried tofu. Awesome!!! It is imposible to eat without wearing a large portion of the soup so don’t wear your best shirt for laksa.

Last night my Chinese Malaysian friend took us to a roadside Chinese food court. I’m going back so there will be pics – don’t worry. Dinner was Char Kway Tieow, Char Siew Pork, Crispy Skin Pork, Herbal soup with Pork Ribs, Curried Stingray and these crazy boiled barley drinks that were slightly strange but very cooling. Can you see the porky theme? I was moaning that there is no dead pig in a Muslim country and Ho said, yes there is – let’s go and get some. It was an easy stroll from thje hotel and well worth the trip. In all, dinner cost RM30 which is about CHF10 so you can eat well for next to nothing. I heart Malaysia!

See youse all later.

And a big Happy Birthday to my Mum who is celebrating her 23rd birthday for the 36th time today. Happy Birthday Mum xxx

—End transmission—

>Hi Folks,

Just a quick blog from the Silver Kris Lounge at Sydney Airport. Last night, I went to see the latest (and lastest) installment in the Star Wars franchise. I have to say that after the disappointment of the previous two offerings, granted the Clone Wars one was ok, I was not only pleasantly surprised, I actually thought it rocked!

Maybe this is because I went to the cinema on my own after walking from my hotel down to the Macquarie Centre in North Ryde. Be that as it may, the content of the film is something you’ll see for yourself, so I’m sayin’ nowt! What I do want to tell you about is the experience of going to the movies on your own as a saddo busines-type dude 12,000 miles from home.

Firstly, walking from a hotel complex in suburban Sydney to anywhere is a bit of an exercise in adventure tourism. This is not becasue of the marauding gangs of guys in their hotted up Commodores, but because of the logistics involved in navigating. When you’re in the car, if you go the wrong way, you just turn around and go the other way. The principle is the same on foot, but the effort involved is significantly more. To illustrate this point, I will explain about how I went down Herring Rd. towards the Macquarie Centre and found the place no trouble. The thing is, that the shopping centre / movie complex is frickin’ huge and the majority of the small village required to house this behemoth is taken up bythe carpark! All the lights were off at the front of the centre so I thought I would follow the neon sign around to the cinema complex – BIG MISTAKE!!! I ended up traipsing through about fourteen levels of the multi-storey carpark trying to find a way into the cinema bit. The only navigation points I had were those crappy signs that they put on the roof to “navigate” you while your looking for your carspace. They just don’t cut it on foot!

Anyway, after a couple of hours, I found the entrance to the cinema and made my way optimistically to the ticket queue. No problems on getting a seat for the 20:45 session, just make your way through to Cinema 6 please. I went around there about 20 mins before the session and since it was only day 3 of the film in Oz, the queue to get a seat went around the corner and up the stairs. That would be fine, I’m a cultured person quite able to wait my turn for something. Now this is something they just don’t do in Switzerland, but that’s not for here as Marjorie Dawes would say. What annoys me though is when a geek in front of me, yells out to a bunch of people he goes to uni with and invites them to join him in the line. One person I can handle – 6 people. “Oi, fuck off to the back of the line ya wankers!!!” Or at least that’s what I was thinking. What I said was – nothing. If ms. mac had of been there, we would have been getting ready to rumble. She has an endearing quality I like to call agressive politeness. Couple that with an uncanny knack of saying what she thinks, and you have a recipe for trouble. It’s never dull with her at the shops. I think she managed to get a written warning for a British Airways check-in chick once.

So I got into the cinema, found a good three seats on the end of a row that were not occupado and sat down. The bunch of teenage girls next to me were annoyingly loud but I figured they’ll be quiet once the movie starts. I wish that was my only trouble! During the “pre-game show” portion where they play the ads etc, an old, hugely fat wheezy man hauled his old, fat, wheezy carcass up the stairs and looked for a place to sit. I was praying he wouldn’t sit next to me but, you guessed it, to my horror, he literally fell into the seat next to me, huffing and puffing (and not in the good way) for the next 2 hours and 26 minutes. Fucking hell. I was leaning to the left trying to get some space and some air, and my arse was getting numb as hell, but I didn’t want any part of us to touch. Not because I’m worried about touching another man. That’s no problem – but this guy was old, fat and wheezy FFS! Anway, to cut a long story (and geez this turned out to be an epic) I made it through the movie – old, fat, wheezy guy snored, snorted and wheezed in my ear for 2 hours 26 minutes and then it was over. It kind of made it special though. For most viewers of Star Wars Episode Three – Revenge of the Sith, Darth Vader doesn’t turn up until the last 15 minutes, but I got to sit next to him for the whole fucking film – which was nice!

As I got up to leave, I found that I could have pulled up the arm of the chair next to me and used up the spare seat that was next to me thus alleviating the oldness, the fattnes and the wheeziness that I lived through for the whole 2 hours and 26 minutes. It just goes to show how often the inhabitants of chateau mac get to the cinema!

Anyway, off to Singers now (that’s Singapore, Kim) and then a couple of weeks in Malaysia. Don’t know about bloggability up there. Let’s play it by ear shall we?

Tschüss

—end transmission—

>Well, amidst the whirlwind celebrations of the Queen of Blogdoms birthday, I found myself physically separated by some 12,ooo miles from the seat of the excitement.

To console myself, I decided to live it up and take my Swiss colleagues on the cook’s tour of Sydney.

We went to Benelong Point, site of the Sydney Opera House and saw

The Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Then we turned on the spot and saw

The Opera House.

As if that wasn’t enough, we strolled through

Circular Quay and around to the Rocks.

Having seen the Sydney Harbour foreshore and bought enough souvenirs to sink a battleship, I suggested that we should have a coffee. What better place to have a coffee and a piece of caramel slice than

Bondi Beach.

Afterwards, my colleagues left for Sydney Airport to head back to Europe. I returned to the city, had lunch with Paula and John,

two of our closest friends. Then, I headed back to the hotel and had dinner with my parents and someone who I haven’t seen in about 4 years,

my brother Matt.

This is just one of the delights that we could serve ourselves from the Seafood Buffet dinner that my generous father treated us all to.

On the plate you can see lobster king prawns, oysters, smoked salmon, and of course, ms. mac’s fave; balmain bugs.

Hope you had a great birthday my love. I certainly seemed to make the best of not being with you to celebrate it *feels dead guilty*.

Miss you Stella. Love ya heaps xxxx