>Oh my god!!! I only just found out yesterday, after 15 and a half years of bliss, that my lovely wife is a bona fide mouth breather. The shame and the embarrassment of it all.

Yes dear reader, she is a mouth breather – but only at the swimming pool. It turns out that she is completely unable to breathe out through her nose whilst underwater. You know how you put your face in the water whilst swimming and breathe out through your nose, turn your head out of the water and breathe in, rinse and repeat for the length of your swimming experience. Well, it seems that she cannot do this?!?!

When one is duck diving and generally playing around in the deep end, it is important to be able to breathe out through one’s nose so that you don’t get water up there whilst you are pretending to be a friendly mermaid or playful killer whale (our favourite pool games). Alas, ms. mac cannot do it!

We were playing a new game called “Find the Snitch”, where I had to place the little yellow super ball that we found on the bottom of the pool. Then it would slowly float to the surface (due to its slightly positive buoyancy) and then the rest of the family would dive down underwater and try to catch the snitch. All fun and games till someone makes an embarrassing revelation.

During the game, ms. mac was trying to get the ball on the bottom to give my eardrums a break and she was having trouble getting down there. She is the most positively buoyant person who ever lived. So I told here to breathe out through her nose whilst descending so that she would sink more readily. She said “I can’t breathe out through my nose underwater.” It’s true too! Every time she tried it, she would put her face in the water and try to breathe out through her nose and then come out of the water and let rip with a huge Würst-Käse Salat belch in my face. Turns out that something weird happens to her mouth internals when her face gets wet and she cannot breathe properly.

Above the water she can breathe like a normal human but in the water, she becomes some sort of window-licking retard. What fun!

>On Monday, I took the lovely wife and children to Germany for our monthly shopping trip. This is a must since we cannot bear to be screwed by the outrageous prices here in Switzerland that one must pay for groceries and food.

Blah blah, we shopped and had lunch and then came home. The End.

However, whilst we were there I bought ms.mac the present of her dreams! Even though her blog is pink, she has a penchant for all things red. I decided to oblige here in the best way a husband can. No, no, we did that later. I’m talking about the most romantic gift of all – the gift of suction (which should actually go wife to husband but that doesn’t fit the post.)

Here before you. I present ms. mac’s latest red acquisition:

This should keep the little lady occupied whilst I’m out drinking and carousing till all hours of the day and night. Have you ever seen anything more awesome?

I, for one, cannot wait for her to use the full 1800 Watts!
Mmmmm Suction *cums*

>No apologies, no excuses – I am out of things to say. I think that this past week in the house having a holiday has left me with nowt to say. It seems like someone else is saying all the interesting stuff that has happened recently.

• Watched a heap of shitty movies – already blogged by ms. mac here.
• The kids have been losing teeth and getting dirty socks. Read about it here and here.
• Had my birthday (see here), for which I received a new Sony Dual Layer DVD Burner and have been burning “legally purchased” movies like a machine. I was supposed to go with the lovely ms. mac to get tattooed but typically, this overpriced place we live in meant that we would spend about CHF 700 for the two of us – a little too much to be spending right now. You can read about the rest of that here.

Hopefully, the second week of my holidays will have something worth blogging. Stay tuned (but don’t hold your breath).

>Today, I had the fortune of attending the Sauber Formula 1 Team’s annual family day. Totally exciting for me because I’m right into the F1 and a chance to get anywhere near F1 machinery and drivers is a big deal for me.

I took a bunch of photos and here are some I wanted to share with you.

As always, it begins and ends with the car:

Then the boss of the team talks about the highs and lows:

Then we introduce the drivers:

Jacques was looking very fit. I always knew he was short, but was really surprised by his upper body size. I guess you need to have strong neck and shoulder muscles for this game:

Felipe Massa also turned up. He was asked about what it was like to drive in Switzerland compared to the race track and he talked about sometimes travelling at 80 km/h and sometimes at 110 km/h. The man doing the interviewing said “but Felipe, the speed limits in Switzerland are 50, 80 and 120 km/h. When were you doing 110?” to which Massa replied “See there is always room to go faster.” Champagne Family Day banter!!!

JV’s manager, and the man credited (in some circles) with almost killing B.A.R, Craig Pollock was milling around at the back but nobody really noticed him.

and then the guys signed autographs (but only for Sauber Supporter Team Members).

We looked at one of the cars from another angle:

and then I hit the Badi with the family.

All in all, a great day was had by all.

The End

>Well, I don’t know whose hat I shat in? Yesterday’s post was an absolute triumph (IMHO) and I got two lousy comments! *doesn’t count his own comment as an ACTUAL comment*.

What’s up with that. The hit counter is going up (albeit sloooowwwly) so there a handful of people coming by, but not a fucking sausage in the comment box- makes the whole Photoshopping for fun and profit *not an actual program or book* thing seem kind of pointless. Not even a nasty letter from someone about ripping off the abc.com logo on the pic.

Anyway, I guess I’ll just go back to the drawing board and see what I can come up with next time – like there’s any point…

BTW, Andi, I have created a world map with clickable links for the W.A.T.E.S thing. Will send you a test URL when it’s on the web – perhaps you’ll have a comment about it. *acknowledges Andi’s and ms. mac‘s tireless commenting committment*

>Wow! As you know, Chateau mac is obsessed with all things Lost at the moment. Great show – thoroughly recommend that you all watch it (if you haven’t already).

In honour of this (and at the behest of someone special) I have done a looky-likey comparison of two well-known people.

The first is the actor who plays Hurley on Lost. I believe his name is Jorge Garcia.

The second is the popular and utterly fabulous online pundit ms. mac:

Now according to ms. mac*, she and Hugo are possessed of two charming characteristics. Namely, mad hair and fatness. It was totally hilarious when she said it!

I don’t think that this is necessarily true, but there are some similarities and in the spirit of blog related fun, I present a wallpaper for your desktop mimicking those available on the Lost website. Apologies for the quality issues.

What do you think? Were these two people born from the same mother at the same time i.e. are they long-lost twins? Only the fullness of time will reveal the truth.

*None of ms. mac’s feelings were hurt in this post as she said it herself. As always, I am totally in awe of her goddess-ness and beauty!

>A dear reader informed me of her problems viewing the fabulous awards that were given out yesterday in that frenzied triumph that was the 2005 Go-Crazy Awards for Oustanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

To counter this problem, here is a link to view the awards in all their glory. Hope it works! *hopes it works*

—End transmission—

>…the time is upon us to present the final award here at the 2005 Go-Crazy Awards, and it’s the big one. The award that will have them talking for weeks to come. You know what I’m talking about right?

This award is given in recognition of the recipients incredible and selfless devotion to progressing the cause of Hornbaggery* throughout Christendom. I can tell you, ladies and gentlemen that the winner was so far ahead of the other nominees that we are even considering naming it after her.

Admittedly, we haven’t yet, but there’s still time. So, without any further ado, I would like to present the “Go-Crazy Rack of the Month”TM award for services to bustiness, bootyliciousness and all-round bodaciousness, to my favourite all-time hornbag and foxymoron herself, ms. mac…

A big round of applause ladies and gentlemen. Never in the long history of the Go-Crazy Awards has there been a more deserving winner of this prestigious award. I for one am delighted to have the pleasure and privilege of presenting the award to such a worthy winner.

Bravo to ms. mac and to that utterly fabulous rack.

*Hornbaggery (noun): The act of being totally hot and sexy. A rare quality only found in exceptional circumstance.

>After the frenzy of the “Go-Crazy Hun(g)k of the Month”TM award ceremony, I thought that there wouldn’t be anything to top it.

Well, how wrong I was. You see, whilst I was beavering away here at the offices of Go-Crazy Enterprises, the boffins in the Media Centre have been creating new and exciting awards for all of us to aspire to.

The first of these new awards has been instituted to acknowledge the special achievements that some bloggers make in public service and as a tribute to their arresting personality and good looks.

Lady and gentleman, it gives me great pleasure in announcing that the winner of the first-ever “Go-Crazy Arrest of the Week”TM is the wonderful …..

Andi McNapp – she’s certainly captured the hearts of our judges.

It’s a fair cop guv’nor. I’ll come along quietly, although maybe I’ll struggle a bit (fnar fnar).

Don’t go away, the 2005 Go-Crazy Awards will be back after these short messages from our sponsors.

* That’s what you’ll hear from the drunken best man at every Aussie wedding, when he is about to begin the speeches. Also heard at footy presentation nights around the country.

>Or: Raising the bar in the shameless sucking-up stakes.

Oh my God!!! I have just been informed of a late breaking development here at the Go-Crazy Media Information Centre. The management has given me the pleasure, nay, honour of announcing the award of the inaugural “Go-Crazy Hun(g)k of the Month”TM

The award, which was created by order of Her Majesty, celebrates the spectacular efforts of one “special” individual every month, who is the embodiment of all things hun(g)ky and displays an inordinate amount of general all-round fabulousness.

So, without further ado, it gives me great pleasure to announce that the winner of the inaugural “Go-Crazy Hun(g)k of the Month”TM award is none other than the amazingly lovely, Mr. Jonathan from Whateva Sista!

*air kisses all round*
Mwwwaaahhh. Congratulations WS!. A thoroughly deserving recipient of this most prestigious of awards.

Ladies, and gentlemen, that’s all we have time for right now. Thanks for watching this paid telecast on behalf of Go-Crazy Enterprises. For the entire Go-Crazy team, this is mr. mac wishing you a wonderful and prosperous New Year.

As to the future and what’s next? Stay tuned…

(C) Go-Crazy Enterprises 2005